Re-Connection
A Touching Exercise
The road ahead may seem like a waste of time because the damage to your marriage is too great. Let me assure you it is never too late to fight for your marriage. I’ve seen some of the worst marriages turn around. I’m referring to those where there were multiple affairs, where divorce papers were filed, and in some cases finalized divorces. I don’t care where your marriage is, if you commit to three things, your marriage will have a high probability of being renewed. First, commit to fight for your marriage and to stay in the fight no matter how long or hard it gets. Second, commit to love unconditionally. Unconditional love means loving without an expectation of being loved in return. It is a love that is given regardless of whether or not it is accepted. Third, learn to forgive. Forgiving is nothing more than canceling the debt owed for the pain you were caused.
For any marriage, especially one at rock bottom, you need to start with learning to connect with one another again. Chances are you and your spouse have grown apart, feel like you are just roommates, and feel like you hardly know each other anymore. This has a devastating impact on your relationship and your intimacy.
Back to Basics
Intimacy is the closest bond a couple can experience. It’s the ultimate expression of closeness and bonding spouses can show toward each other.
However, my guess is it’s been years since you felt a strong bond to each other and your intimate times are few and disconnected.
Let me suggest an exercise to help you and your spouse reconnect with one another emotionally and physically. This exercise is a back to basics exercise that will seem silly to some, relatively easy to others, and physically impossible to most, but it will have a profound affect on your marriage.
Hands On Approach
The intent of the exercise is to breakdown the tension between you and your spouse whilst teaching you to connect on an intimate level both emotionally and physically. This exercise will require some privacy, so talk with your spouse about it first and decide together when and where you’ll walk through the steps. It is simple in concept yet difficult due to one caveat. Are you ready?
This exercise will require a minimum of forty-five minutes to an hour. The entire exercise revolves around connecting through touching.
Touching forms an understanding and connection that cannot be attained by any other means. It is personal, emotional, and powerful. Here’s how it works.
You and your spouse will take turns touching each other with the intent of learning how certain touches stimulate each other both emotionally and physically. Start with the face. Run your fingers over your spouse’s forehead, cheeks, and lips. Then move on to the neck, hands, and feet. At each step study the curves, skin texture, and form. Continue this process until you have touched every part of each other’s body making note of what touches your spouse likes and dislikes. Going through each step both with your eyes open as well as with your eyes closed will enhance your senses and more permanently engrave in your mind the images of your spouse’s body.
The intent of this exercise is to breakdown the tension and to rebuild the bond between you. The less inhibited you feel during the exercise, the fewer barriers there will be to connecting with each other. With that said, this exercise can be performed with or without clothing, the latter, of course, being the least inhibiting. The latter will also increase your feeling of vulnerability, that’s ok because being vulnerable will deepen the experience. Start at the level where you are most comfortable i.e. with or without clothing and take your time. The only destination is lowered tension and a renewed connection to your spouse. That being said, let me throw in the caveat I noted before that makes this exercise physically more difficult.
Caveat
To gain the most benefit from this exercise, it is highly recommended that the first time you try this exercise you do so with the caveat that you and your spouse not be intimate for at least twenty-four hours after completing the exercise. This will seem impossible for most people because of the strong emotional connection that the exercise can create, but trust me it’s an important step.
Your brain is your most sensual organ. It is with your mind that you build the strongest connection with your spouse. Waiting twenty-four hours will allow you time to reflect on this exercise, the feelings experienced, and the knowledge gained. What you focus on is what you gravitate toward. Focusing on the personal, emotional, and physical aspects of this exercise for twenty-four hours will no doubt result in an even greater emotional bond which will in turn cause your physical attraction to well up to a much greater level. Waiting twenty-four hours will also greatly enhance your intimate time together.
Twenty-Four Hours
One last suggestion following your twenty-four hour hiatus, you may want to go through the exercise again before you are intimate with your spouse. This time the exercise should be done with the intent of being followed immediately with being intimate.
It is critical that you and your spouse talk about and agree on next steps prior to each phase. For instance, the husband may want to start without clothing, the wife with clothing. The husband may want to wait twenty-four hours, the wife may want to go through the exercise multiple times before being intimate. There is no definitive right or wrong way, except for the initial twenty-four hour hiatus. Therefore, be open to each other’s suggestion of how to move forward.
There is no guarantee as to the level of connection this exercise will generate because there are a number of factors that will impact your marriage. When done correctly and neither spouse pushes to go too fast or holds out to go to slow, the results are amazing.
Remember, marriage is a journey, not a destination, so take your time and enjoy the ride.
